Underwhelming News Headline

So I was browsing through the headlines on FoxNews.com like I do so often because I’m cool like that, and I saw this headline: “125,000 Gorillas Discovered in Congo Forests”

I have to say…it wasn’t really one of those “reach out and grab you” kinda headlines. Don’t get me wrong…I scanned through the article and I know why that is such a big deal now. But come on. Who is going to click on the link to that article besides me? My first thought was, “yeah, that’s what I’d expect you to find out there.” Because you remember that book/movie called Congo? About the gorillas? Yeah, I only vaguely remember it too. And that’s really about all I remember: it was called Congo and it had gorillas in it. So big surprise that you find a bunch of gorillas in the Congo.

Now if the headline read, “125,000 Manatees Discovered in Congo Forests,” that would have blown my mind into little pieces. I would have clicked on that so fast that my click would have occurred before I even saw the headline, which would have consequently caused a tear in the spacetime continuum. Now that I think about it, it’s probably a good thing that shocking headlines are very rare.

And for educational purposes, I present to you the article:


Speaking of the spacetime continuum, here’s your countdown to the end of the world:


Then you can Google “Large Hadron Collider black holes” and read all about it and how people are afraid that it will create black holes that will consume the earth. But scientists assure us it won’t. Unfortunately it seems their understanding of this is limited to theories. After all, if they really understood it all, they wouldn’t be spending billions of euros to construct a ginormous machine to research it now would they? I guess we’ll see what happens. Or we won’t because we’ll all get devoured by a black hole. Either way, we probably won’t feel any pain.

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4 Comments on “Underwhelming News Headline”

  1. serdafied Says:

    lol It would seem the countdown is over and they were wrong cause the service is unavailable haha oh and yes you’re views even frighten me. Also, if they found 125, not thousands mind you just 125, manatee (I think the plural if it isn’t should be manatee sans the s)in the Congo I would shit a baby and piss nickels from the shock!

  2. k so I just tried to post and left out my email and now it fuckin erased it and shit . This site is gay homo and all that.

    all I said was that was it the movie with the mean man eating gorillas. and everyone almost died. and it had the guy from the rocky horror picture show in it, he also played in the great movie clue.

  3. mcmeador Says:

    Yeah…uh don’t know about all that. But there were definitely man-eating gorillas in it. It would have been really cool if they found 125,000 man-eating gorillas in the Congo forests! That would just further reinforce my total lack of interest in ever going there.

  4. serdafied Says:

    post a new damn blog you SOB i gots fuckin nothing amusing to read ut my own damn ramblings on my blog!! which there is a new one btw but you already know the story

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